Happy 4th of July! Luckily, motivation is not an issue today as it sometimes is so I am not too stressed about over eating. I am debating if I want to weigh myself, but I don't feel like I have lost any weight so I think I won't. I want to feel really good about myself before I step on a scale.
Today I am going to make a list of the things I am looking forward to as my body changes:
~Feeling like a girl again. Due to my weight, I have not had a period in two years. It's a cause of great depression because I do not feel feminine.
~Relating to people my own age. My weight has made me shun people who I would normally relate to and only get along with people 20 or 30 years older that also have aches and pains. People think I am older because of my weight also. Many have even assumed I am my husband's mom.
~More energy! More energy to play with my kids, keep the house clean, run my business, walk my dog, and feel good about myself!
~A long life. Right now, at this weight, I would likely not even make it to 40. That is a really scary truth. I have a lot of plans for when I am old, so I need to get there.
~Maybe having another baby. It seems absolutely impossible right now, but it could happen. I really am a young mom, despite how I feel and the condition of my health. I am only 29 years old.
~Having more friends. Like it or not, people don't want to be around someone as big as me. It is very hard for me to make friends and I know my weight has a big role in that.
~Being hit on! lol As a married lady, is it so bad to want to be noticed as a sexy women by other men? No! I just want to feel good about myself and a few compliments now and then would sure help!
~ Going horse back riding, hiking, camping, and other outdoor activities I have a hard time enjoying because of my lack of energy. It's hard to get up when you are this big, none the less move around.
~People sitting next to me. Recently I went to a very crowded networking event with "just enough chairs" for the people attending. The chairs were small and right next to each other. No one else would see this as a problem, but at my size, it is a huge cause for alarm. First, I may break the chair. It's a real concern, it has happened many times before. 2nd, I wont fit in just one. When I sat down I took three chairs! Two people had to stand because of me!
~ Not buying new toilet seats all the time. Like I have broken many chairs, I have broken just as many toilet seats. It's horribly embarrassing to tell my husband he has to buy ANOTHER toilet seat because his 320 pound wife broke it again.
~Having style. It is such a hard job just to find clothes that FIT, having any kind of style is just impossible.
~High heels/ cute shoes
~Wearing my husband's clothes! Even a XXL wont come close to fitting me. Next Summer I want to go camping and pack just a bunch of his shirts for me to romp around in! Wouldn't that be nice!
~ Swimming!
~NOT feeling horrified when I look at myself in the mirror
~Self Confidence
~Better sex!!!!! Now, my husband is amazing in this department. He makes me so happy, but any lack of good loving we have is all my fault. It is hard for me to get in to it because every time he touches a roll of lard I feel so much shame. Plus, I can not preform as well as I should because I am simply too fat.
~Better relationship. Thinking about how much better our sex life is going to be is exciting, and it also reminds me that our relationship will be better. An old saying goes, "When mama aint happy, aint nobody happy" lol. That may just have a little truth to it.
Okay, I think I have divulged enough for now to safely say I may never let my husband or anyone I know read this blog! lol The big thing keeping this blog private right now is the number on the scale. I can not let people know that I weighed 320 until I have made some drastic changes. When I am well under 300 I will consider exposing this blog to the world.
Below is a picture of me and my amazing husband from our trip to Reno anfer our anniversary last year.
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